What’s *really* holding you back as a writer may not be what you think (getting personal + journal prompt).

What’s holding you back? From writing the book. Or writing the way you want to be writing. Or even the writing life you deserve to live.

In this post, I’ll share some of my own experiences and reflections, along with a journal prompt to help you uncover what might be going on for you.

Spend some time with the question “what’s holding me back?” and you might find your reasons — what a drill-sergeant-style writing coach might call “excuses” — are multi-layered. On the surface, your roadblocks may seem logistical and mundane: time, responsibilities, commitments, the day job, maybe even distractions and procrastination.

Sometimes, though, there’s more to it than that, more underlying those easily pinpointed blocks, and other reasons you’ve been unable to push through so far. And as for “excuses,” I don’t love the connotation that term carries, and I don’t think blocks are always as simple to surmount as the word makes it seems.

Give yourself the gift of digging deep. You might be surprised by what you find. Stay open, and cultivate a gentle, kind, and earnest type of accountability around this. One that curiously asks questions and feels into the answers, not one that berates and shames you for those answers.

This was definitely difficult for me to do, and the answers I got when I excavated what I used to call “excuses,” helped me better and more consistently show up to the page. Here’s what I uncovered when I went in (maybe you can relate to some of this, but if you can’t, thanks for letting me share it with you all the same).

Time constraints held me back from my writing.

I didn’t have the time to write. There were only so many hours in the day, and I had a full time job, household responsibilities, and social commitments to cram in.

I didn’t have the time to write, because I wasn’t setting aside the time. I wasn’t making the time because I was giving a lot of my free time over to other people, their needs, their priorities.

Why?

I tend toward people-pleasing and I’m conditioned to put others’ needs before my own. I thought it made me a bad person to want and do things for myself. Even writing.

I thought people wouldn’t like me enough or value me enough if I wasn’t ready to jump when they asked, or didn’t give them exactly as much of my energy as they wanted from me (note: not needed but had gotten used to getting).

When I unpacked all that — with the help of therapy — I recognized that my loved ones valued me beyond what I was able to “do for them”. And, many of them had their own passions and callings — creative and otherwise — so they more than understood my need to focus on my writing.

So, I re-evaluated my judgments and preconceptions about myself and others, and leaned into my worthiness. And I’ve had more authentic and honest relationships, and a better writing life since.

Sometimes “lack of time” = lack of quality sleep.

At other points in my life, time limitations held me back because I just couldn’t get myself to wake up earlier, so I could make use of that fresh-brained, pre-work morning quiet to do my best writing.

Why couldn’t I get up earlier?

I was going to sleep late, mostly after scrolling through my phone for an inadvisable (unhealthy?) amount of time (blue light from screens messes with circadian rhythms and suppresses melatonin secretion). I was on my phone late because I was unfulfilled, unhappy, and engaging in a little revenge bedtime sleep procrastination (yup, it’s a thing).

Or, I’d have a decent sleep start time, but then oversleep, which left me feeling groggy, cranky, and devoid of creativity when I did wake up. Not in the mood to write. Not in the mood to do much more than go back to sleep (which, naturally I also couldn’t do, because I had to go to work).

A few of my habits, especially around what I was putting into my body and when, were big contributors to my lack of restorative, invigorating sleep. Alcohol messed with my sleep some nights, even though I wasn’t overdoing or abusing it. Even two glasses of wine too close to bedtime would wake me up like an internal heartburn alarm around 2:00 AM and keep me up for an hour or more. Also, I was snacking late on the kinds of foods that weren’t helping my body wind down.

I want to mention here that, especially as I get older, I put quality sleep above just about everything else. Sleep is vital to physical, mental, and emotional well-being, fuels our ability to survive, and underpins our ability to thrive. It’s a non-negotiable, something I refuse to sacrifice.

Too many simultaneous — seemingly competing, yet unnervingly linked — priorities also used to hold me back.

Spreading myself too thin — having too many priorities — is a well-worn path for me. I spent a long time “prioritizing” EVERYTHING, which is not how priorities are supposed to work. When “everything” is your top priority, then nothing is your top priority.

I was trying to do all the things: Put in 8 crisp and productive hours at work. Help cook or clean up after dinner. Get in quality time with my husband. See or talk to friends. Go for a run, but only in the woods (and it only counted if I did at least 3 miles). Read X pages of fiction and Y pages of nonfiction every day. Meditate for twenty minutes. Do Morning Pages. Make myself the most highly nutritious and “healthy” meals for breakfast and lunch and keep track of my macros.

I thought this was me seeking balance, but it was perfectionism in disguise. This was me thinking I “should” have a super well-rounded daily existence. Because society (especially social media) expects. Because a lapse or lag in one place somehow equated to a failure, everywhere.

I was inhaling too many “that girl lifestyle” vibes and choking on the pressure. This was the opposite of balanced, open, freeing. It was small, cramped, hollow, and stifling. And if there’s one lesson social media teaches us over and over again, it’s that things aren’t always what they seem.

The surface stuff was only the beginning.

I would’ve said time constraints, poor sleep, and striving for balance were holding me back. But deeper down, it was more complicated than that. Only by dealing with the underlying hangups and snags did I get through the blocks and back to what I loved: writing.

By reminding myself of my worthiness and the reality that people valued me even if I didn’t put their desires and needs before my own.

By creating and sticking to healthier, sustainable and sustaining habits, and understanding that real balance isn’t about giving the same energy to all things at all times.

And by strengthening my inner champion to speak louder than my inner perfectionist.

Once I waded through all that muck and came out on the other side to a clearer path, making and honoring writing time, and getting into a groove got easier. I wrote more. I wrote better.

Maybe your “excuses” and road blocks have deeper roots than you think.

If you’re struggling to make the time, find the energy, learn the craft, or fit writing into your life, but you know it’s something you want deeply (maybe even need), it’s time to ask:

What’s (really) getting in the way of your writing goal? Whether that goal is to start or finish your book, spend more time writing in your job/career, level up your writing skills, or something different?

If little comes up, journaling might help. Take 15-20 minutes (or more if you need) to write using the following two-part prompt:

For the first 5 minutes, write down all the obvious things holding you back from writing. Responsibilities, commitments, work, all of it. Freewrite. No one needs to see this, so if you gotta list some names, go for it.

When that feels easy and complete enough, ask yourself: What else?

Journal for another 10-15 minutes about what’s underneath the obvious, straightforward, logistical roadblocks you listed in the first 5 minutes. What’s below the surface, keeping you from finding solutions and your own way forward into the writing you want or need to do?