5 personal growth / self-help books that actually helped me
So, I wasn’t always into self-help books. In fact, I used to be pretty cynical about the genre (and listen, I’m still somewhat skeptical about some of the biggest titles…). When I worked at a bookstore after college, I was responsible for — so spent a lot of time in — that section of the store. And without fail, I would roll my eyes at all the cheesy covers and cheesier titles every time I had to fill or clean up those shelves.
My cynicism eased and my eye rolling stopped long enough to actually read a passage here and there a few years ago, when I hit an especially rough patch. I decided to supplement the work I was already doing in therapy with some self-study and at-home growth reading. Not only did I find some of the books to be way more level-headed, honest, evidence-based, and relatable than I’d given them credit for, I found that some of them actually helped me. They introduced me to new perspectives, tools, and exercises to try on my own terms and at my own pace, without judgment or external pressure.
After reading (and listening to) some great ones, some good ones, and some duds, I thought I’d share the five that impacted and helped me the most (so far).
Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach is just beautiful, full of wisdom, and compassion, and taught me how to begin letting go of seasoned feelings of unworthiness and shame, and start to cultivate self-understanding and self-acceptance. There are a bunch of helpful guided meditations, and lots of concepts rooted in Buddhism. Brach is a long-time psychotherapist with training in both Eastern and Western psychology, so she’s able to bring a well-rounded perspective to the table.
Brené Brown’s The Gifts of Imperfection is another one of my core books. Along with her other work on shame and vulnerability, it was huge in helping me continue my self-education and processing of feeling not-good-enough. It reminded me about parts of my authentic self I’d lost, and inspired me not only to reclaim them, but to keep authenticity at the center of how I show up in my life, work, and relationships. Authenticity and resilience are also core to my coaching.
Like a lot of people, I grew up with some fixed ideas about who I was and what I could do, plus who others were and what they could do, and a ton of judgments swirling around all of it. In other words: a pretty limiting and damaging fixed mindset, as Carol Dweck would say. Her book Mindset tears down the notion that our intelligence, talents, abilities, and personalities are set in stone, and invites us instead to adopt the mentality that we can grow and learn into who we want to be and what we want to achieve. This book challenged a lot of my limiting beliefs and helped me find the courage to grow new skillsets.
Atomic Habits introduced me to a deceptively simple theory, that also happens to be really practical. It’s all about the power that developing and sustaining strong habits can have over the months and years. While in the midst of maintaining daily habits, we might not feel much change, over time they lead to huge gains in knowledge, skill, momentum, and ultimately growth. Habits really do have a huge impact. And I’ve been stacking and honing mine, and seeing results, ever since reading this book.
Finally, if there’s one book that I can credit above the others for making me not just think about being a coach, but actually trust that I could, definitely should do it, it’s Marie Forleo’s Everything is Figureoutable. The premise and the point are in the title, but it’s Marie’s story, charm, and honesty that really drive it all home. I connected so much to Marie’s big-hearted belief in others, her grit, and her ever-present problem-solver tendencies.
