The problem with mindset and what to work on instead

I don’t believe in mindset, and I have issues with the way the word gets thrown around.

Maybe it’s the writer, word nerd, English-teacher-for-a-hot-minute-once-upon-a-time in me who bristles at the word. It’s become just another trendy, diluted catch-all for a really complex human experience.

Or maybe it’s my inner meditator. The one who knows our minds are constantly in flux, responding and reacting to the world around us, firing thoughts and observations. She knows how difficult just stilling the mind’s chatter for a few moments can be, let alone trying to fix it on a specific “setting”.

[Spoiler: Unless we’ve had a lot of practice, we aren’t as in control of our minds as we like to think we are.]

Or it could be the coach in me, helping clients get out from under the crushing idea that having the “wrong mindset” somehow means they’re screwed on their goals. And honestly, I’ve had this experience myself, too. I used to buy into that unhelpful and useless narrative.

But “mindset” feels incorrect. Incomplete. Limited and limiting.

Instead, we should be talking more about mental foundation, mental focus, frame(s) of mind and state(s) of mind.

We get to create and cultivate those, too. Only they’re a lot more freeing.

Whereas “mindset” screams rigid and restricted (and you definitely can’t just “set it and forget it”), mental foundation, focus, and framing allow possibility and lots of ways to get it right.

Mindfulness over Mindset

Most of all, I believe in mindfulness, awareness, and intention. You have to get to know your mind before you can effectively work on it, with it, or within it. You have to observe it, notice how it functions, pick up its patterns.

Once you know what you’re working with, you can grow that awareness in daily life. You learn what contributes to positive states and frames of mind and start to seek those out or cultivate them within yourself.

Maybe you start to notice that your creativity is on fire when you’ve gone for a walk in the morning. Or you realize that even opening social media for a minute results in distracted thinking for the next 20. You’ll also start to notice when an unhelpful, low vibration, or anxious thought comes into the mix. You get to greet it, let it go, redirect if you need to.

And finally, you can become intentional in creating the mental landscape that allows your best thoughts and beliefs to take root and start blooming. You start building the environment that makes your affirmations truly powerful. You begin framing and focusing more easily. You start to say “thanks, but no thanks” to pointless negativity and limiting beliefs, maybe you even ask “is that true?” when a self-limiting thought comes up.

Best of all, you get to spot and usher in positivity, growth, and potential. You might even choose or craft the exact thoughts that help you.

Mindfulness, awareness, and intention open, widen, and deepen our thinking, problem-solving, and adaptability. They allow us to meet our minds in respectful, compassionate, mutually uplifting partnership. When we work on strengthening them, we get more authentic, empowered, and resilient. When we tune into ourselves, more is possible. Anything is possible.

Meditation is the best way I know to become more mindful. Meditation is a simple-but-not-easy practice of focusing and refocusing attention. There are many ways to meditate, but the one that’s worked best for me (and therefore the one I can speak on) involves just sitting and being aware of the breath as it enters and exits my body.

Mindfulness Meditation in 8 Simple Steps

1. Take a comfortable seat or other position. You can be upright in a chair, or cross-legged on a cushion. Try to keep your back straight but not strained. Root or ground through your “sit bones” (aka the bones in your butt) so you’re supported. You can even lay on your back (warning: you might fall asleep).

2. Set a timer. If you’re new to meditation, 1 or 2 minutes might be a good place to start. You can gradually increase to 5, 10, 15 minutes or even longer as you practice more.

3. Let your eyes close or half-close, or let your gaze just fall somewhere that’s not stimulating, like the ground or a bare wall.

4. Take a few deep slow deep breaths in and out.

5. Notice where you feel the breath most strongly in your body and how it feels, without judgment. It could be your belly, or at the tip of your nose as the air enters and leaves. Maybe it’s somewhere else. Pinpoint that spot in your focus and stay with it.

6. Let your breath return to a regular, natural rhythm and focus just on the sensation of it coming and going. Focus your awareness on the expansion and retraction in your body as you breathe.

7. (optional) Count on the exhale (out breath) if it helps you maintain awareness, up to a count of 10 breaths. That goes like this: Breathe IN, Breathe OUT - 1; Breathe IN, Breathe OUT - 2; Breathe IN, Breathe OUT - 3… all the way to 10 and back to 1.

8. When a thought arises and distracts you, just notice. You can label it in your mind as “thought”. No judgments, just awareness. The goal isn’t to change the thought, or to think more about it, follow it, interrogate it, or do anything other than observe that it came up.

9. Keep coming back to the breath, each time you’re distracted.

Now I’ll be real with you: Meditation can be frustrating. Especially at the beginning, or if you have a lot going on in your life. Especially on days when you can’t make it to a count of 3 breaths without losing your attention to an errant thought and having to start again.

It’s rough when the mental chatter — whether it’s your to-do list, negative thoughts, or even positive overstimulation (hello hilarious TikToks stuck in your head!)— is just too damn loud and enticing.

The really real thing about it though? That’s the work of meditation. Noticing that your mind got distracted, and coming back to the breath is the work. Not letting the frustration sweep you up is the work.

You’re doing it, even if it’s hard (especially when it’s hard).

And it gets easier over time. You’ll gradually need to refocus less often. You’ll work up to sitting longer. And it’ll begin making a difference in your daily life.

You’ll notice your thoughts and beliefs, and their patterns, more as you go through your day. You’ll get to know yourself, your mind, better. Maybe you’ll even start dropping into that space of judgment-free awareness when life or business gets hectic or stressful, and you need a mental break.

Through mindfulness, you’ll develop a more productive and integrated relationship with your mind, which lets you shed self-imposed limitations and reframe more ease-fully. You’ll move through various mind “settings” more effortlessly.

Mindfulness over mindset.