Authenticity isn’t about that…
I’ve seen some misconceptions floating around about what authenticity is and requires. From those who want to rail against what they consider an annoying trend, to those who want to excuse behavior they don’t want to be held accountable for, to those who are afraid of exposing parts of themselves they don’t want to share or being tied to things that no longer serve them.
So I want to set the record straight on what I’m talking about when I talk about being our authentic selves. Or rather, what I’m not talking about.
Authenticity doesn’t require baring it all. Yes, vulnerability is necessary for authenticity. Yes, you might have to let yourself share more of your truth than you have before. No, you do not have to wring yourself out and leave everything open for everyone all the time. In fact, you don’t have to share anything before you’re ready. You absolutely get to choose what you share, where, and with whom. There will be situations where you feel more comfortable and safe sharing some things that you wouldn’t want to talk about elsewhere. Honor that.
It doesn’t mean you have to be the same in every scenario. As with what you share, living authentically doesn’t mean you have to behave the same in all arenas of your life. We bring different parts of our multi-faceted selves out in different circumstances, based on what we need, want, feel, and what the situation calls for. Embrace your complexities and all the things that allow you to show up as your best in all the spaces you care about.
Authenticity doesn’t need to be messy, unprofessional, stubborn, mean, or unreliable. Authenticity is not permission for your worst impulses to rule your life, thoughts, or behavior. While you do need to know and accept all of who are, you still get to choose which qualities you want to amplify. You get to choose which aspects of yourself you want to grow into and out of. You get to build the foundations of your career, business, relationships, interactions, and overall life on the things you want to go toward and want more of.
It’s not about stagnation or limitation. It’s not about staying the same forever. You are very much allowed and encouraged to grow deeper into and out of who you are. And that includes growing away from behaviors, hobbies, thought patterns, people, and situations that no longer support who you’re becoming. Remember that authenticity is about choice.
It doesn’t have to look, sound, or smell a specific way to the outside world. You don’t need to show up bold and loud if that’s not real for you. Quiet truth is just as powerful as the kind that lets you know it’s arrived well before it does. Authenticity isn’t something you need to announce or prove, a coat or veneer you need to slap on. It’s the opposite of those things. It’s not anything you’re not.
Authenticity is not about holding onto things from your past. You can release the things that no longer serve you, or even harm you, and still be authentic. You don’t need to repeat ingrained patterns that are detrimental or at least not helpful. Authenticity is reflective and intentional, versus reflexive and reactive.
It doesn’t have to mean going back to your roots, upbringing, family, religion, if you don’t feel personally connected to them. For many of us, authenticity absolutely includes re-integrating parts of our personal histories, especially those we’ve felt pressured to hide or distance from. But that’s not everyone’s reality, desire, or need. It may not be yours, and that’s more than OK. The most important thing is telling the truth about yourself, first and foremost to yourself.
